We all love quizzes, right? We adore how they can tell us things about ourselves we otherwise never would've known. So here's a quick, 5 question quiz you can take to help you figure out what kind of mom you are:
1. Have you pooped without eyes peeking in at you within the last week?
A. HAHAHAHAHAHA! No.
B. Yes, but only because I locked the door.
C. This is a thing?
D. I actually asked those eyes to come watch me poop. Wanna fight about it?
2. Caillou: Yay or nay?
B. Yay, if it gets me a minute of quiet.
D. Yay! And Daniel Tiger, and Super Why, and....
3. What is the last thing you bought for yourself?
A. Coffee. It was a necessity. In fact, I want more now.
B. I bought some clothes, nothing special.
C. Oh you know, a book, some shoes...something for me. I need to treat myself once in awhile!
D. Why would I buy anything for myself when there are so many adorable kids' things?!
4. How many hours a night do you sleep?
A. Mention sleep again, and I will cut you in a deprived and jealous rage.
B. Depends on the night.
C. 8-12 hours! And I nap!
D. It's very hard to sleep when I'm so busy pushing my face up against the bars of my child's crib and drinking in how adorable they are as they slumber. I'm sure I fall asleep in there somewhere.
5. Last question: What do you do for fun?
A. After the kids go to bed, I watch half a TV show and fall asleep.
B. I have a few hobbies here and there, though I don't do them as much as I'd like.
C. I dance like no one's watching. I travel. I read. I sit in silence and get in touch with the world around me.
D. My children ARE fun. What are you implying?
If you picked mostly A's:
You're a Tired Mom. How did you even finish this? Seriously, go to bed.
If you picked mostly B's:
You're a Practical Mom. This is your life now, and you know it. Luckily, your kids are cute and wine/beer/vodka/booze in a juice box is a thing. You'll be fine, just make it to bedtime.
If you picked mostly C's:
YOU'RE NOT A MOM. WHY ARE YOU HERE? That, or your mind finally snapped and you locked your kids in a closet somewhere. Either way, I think you have somewhere better to be than this.
If you picked mostly D's:
You're the Obsessed Mom. Uuuh....look. I'm not one to tell anyone how to parent, and y'know, whatever -- you do you. But do something for you once in awhile. Give yourself and your kid some space. If you keep this up, you're going to fuse and become one person and you'll be walking around with an ever-growing, increasingly resentful baby head on your shoulder forever.
Okay, that's not true. But still. Go do something. Visit the B moms. They have wine juice boxes.
Arianna Bradford is a family, senior, and boudoir photographer living in Oregon. When she isn't obsessively checking her email or returning phone calls, she's spending time with her husband and two children. She is obsessed with sleep and, when she can't get that, coffee. She also runs The NYAM Project, and she really hopes you like it. You can see more of her work here.